{"id":299,"date":"2013-08-27T15:03:59","date_gmt":"2013-08-27T20:03:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/extraterrestrialvisitor.wordpress.com\/2013\/08\/27\/scooter-3\/"},"modified":"2013-09-30T10:02:55","modified_gmt":"2013-09-30T15:02:55","slug":"scooter-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.extraterrestrialvisitor.com\/?p=299","title":{"rendered":"Scooter"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"hoveround\"<\/a>Have you seen those electric scooters that handicapped people drive around in? I\u2019m not talking about those slow cruisers that you see offered to customers at larger food stores. The one I want is the big Sportster. You\u2019ve seen them. They\u2019re usually painted candy apple red. The best models have a big battery storage box on the back along with a tall, flagged, whip antenna.<\/p>\n

They were the first electric cars, I think. \u00a0I\u2019ve seen an ad on TV for a company that sells these babies. They claim that the Government will pay for it, and they\u2019ll handle all the paperwork that could become necessary for them to get their money. \u201cWe\u2019ll take care of the Medicaid requirements,\u201d they say. Can you beat that?<\/p>\n

There are some unfair stereotypical attributes associated with Scooter Riders. Sure, most of them are overweight. Well, I say: You would be too if you could hardly animate your own mass, and had to just sit in a chair most of the time.\u00a0 It\u2019s true that we\u2019ve all probably seen a lot of the scooter owners smoking cigarettes, but why shouldn\u2019t they when they\u2019re outdoors most of the day. I guess a person could complain about secondhand smoke, but the scooters ride low inside the exhaust fumes of cars, buses and trucks. No wonder you see so many of those scooters equipped with oxygen tanks. I say give them a break. It may look easy, fun even, to drive single-handed from one fast food restaurant to the next, but it takes time. It can be very boring for the Scooterist, even on the higher-powered models. Let \u2018em smoke if they want to. These cancerous, coughing scooter owners\u2019 turnover their machines more frequently, and that keeps the price for used, bargain machines, attractive. Although trade-in costs are lower as well.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m almost 70 and have been diagnosed with leukemia. I\u2019ll probably need my doctor to okay my scooter request, but why wouldn\u2019t he? Surely I should qualify for a government-funded scooter. I\u2019m hoping to locate that manufacturer who runs the TV ad. The one who gets Medicare to pay. Maybe I can add a few dollars to the sale price and either up the horsepower or add some special features and extras. I won\u2019t go nuts. Maybe change the original red flag to a Jolly Roger. I would add chrome spoke wheels, and mud flaps on the back for sure. A disc player is a must. Or should I get a MP3 player? I wonder if four speakers would be too much.<\/p>\n

I pass several of these Scooterists almost daily on my way to the mall. They usually travel in a group of maybe five or six. I can tell who\u2019s the fastest. A couple of the guys have their baseball caps on backwards and they slouch closer to one side. They squint at me with their cigarettes clenched in their lips. I whisper as I pass them, \u201cYou da\u2019 man.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve seen this same gang parked in front of the gym under the big window banner that reads: Women\u2019s Yoga Today.<\/i> They\u2019re probably wishing that they could be healthy enough to work out like the other guys who are members there. It\u2019s sad to observe them sitting on their parked scooters, looking into the window, smoking cigarettes while passing their large sodas back and forth longing to be fit.<\/p>\n

The Scooterists aren\u2019t always sad. In fact, most times I see them, they look happy. Happier than I ever looked or felt while working at my job. The gang of them that I\u2019m most familiar with enjoy racing across intersections. They hit the carved-out divots in the curb at full speed. Even with my car\u2019s windows closed, I can hear them shout and laugh as their scooter\u2019s front wheels lift off the concrete. These people are the kind of thrill seekers that I\u2019d love to hang out with.<\/p>\n

Recently I had my usual blood draw and meeting with my doctor. More bad news. My request for a government-subsidized scooter has been rejected. The doctor told me that walking would help my physical condition. \u201cExercise. Get on a treadmill. Take walks around your neighborhood.\u201d He said. He told me to eat moderately, sensibly, and watch my diet, too.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut what about the government scooter?\u201d I asked. \u201cYou\u2019re forcing me to take up smoking, sit on my couch with large pizzas and quart bottles of Pepsi until I qualify for my new red scooter. Jeepers. I don\u2019t want to march around town under orders from my Oncologist while the Scooterists frolic on the sidewalks and buzz their horns to warn me of their approach.\u201d I scowled at the doctor and growled, \u201cThis isn\u2019t fair. I\u2019ve paid government taxes all my life. Now I\u2019m dying and you won\u2019t let me get my scooter!\u201d<\/p>\n

The doctor smiled, sat at his desk and spoke while writing. \u201cI understand your disappointment, but you\u2019re already underweight and the chemotherapy I\u2019ve ordered will most likely cause you to get thinner. You\u2019ll never fit-in with those Scooter guys.\u201d He put down the pen and handed me an official looking form.<\/p>\n

I left the hospital with my official Handicapped Parking Certificate and a plastic badge to hang on my car\u2019s rearview mirror. I guess that made me happier, but I\u2019ll always long to turn my baseball cap around and crawl onto a bright red scooter.<\/p>\n

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